I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease at 15. It was not a fun time. I’d spend my nights lying wide awake thinking about the future. What does life have in store for me? Realistically, I was aware that surgery was a question of "when" and not "if"... I just wanted it done.
My first ileostomy surgery happened in 2006. I was 22 and it saved my life. Having a stoma was weirdly precious. I felt so disconnected from it, yet it was a part of me — my new normal. I'd tell myself that God blessed me with awesome boobs to distract all the boys away from my belly, lol.
Five years later, I became pregnant with Lukas and then came Arabella in 2015. Two pregnancies, plus more surgeries had ruined my body so quickly that my mind couldn’t seem to catch up. I hated my body. I couldn't get rid of the negative thoughts and how bad I felt about myself. But then you know what? Time just kept ticking by. Life got busy. It’s not that I didn't look down at my body and get upset once in a while, it’s just that I hardly got a chance to look down!
There are a lot of hard things about living with Crohn's disease and an ostomy. Not being able to talk about it might be the worst one. It's not a comfortable thing to live with physically or socially and it took me years to open up about it. But eventually, I not only learned to accept my new body but love it for all it had accomplished. Now after ten years, living with an ileostomy is all I know and it's not even an issue anymore.
I think what helped me is creating calmness in my life. You know when there's just so much drama and negativity around you, you just feel like you're drowning in it? So here's my advice. Kick the negativity to the curb. Get rid of those soul suckers in your life. You owe them nothing! You need people that lift you up and make you feel like the absolute Goddess and God that you are!
This post appeared on Bag Lady Mama.