Once upon a time my tummy was scar-free, bag-free and full of disease. It was not a fun time. I’d spend my nights lying wide awake thinking about the future. What does life have in store for me? Realistically, I was more than aware that ostomy surgery was only a ‘when?’ not an 'if’. I just wanted it done.
My first ileostomy surgery was in 2006 due to Crohn’s disease. I was 22-years-old and it saved my life. My new belly was right in front of me - it was all so foreign. My stoma was weirdly precious. I was somehow so disconnected from it, but yet it was a part of me. In my head I told myself that God gave me awesome boobs to distract all the boys away from my tummy, lol.
5 years later I became pregnant.
Being pregnant with Lukas stretched my stoma so wide that a tiny little tear happened, not even big enough to show up on any scans, but the fact that I became septic and almost died because of two 5cm abscesses full of fecal matter! The Crohn’s was also bad and more surgery was needed. This entire trauma to my body and pregnancy was messing with my head. I struggled big time with acceptance.
The physical changes to my body after ostomy surgery and pregnancy was a lot to deal with! My pregnancy had just ruined my body so quickly that my mind just couldn’t catch up and then having more ostomy surgery, wow. I think that everything happened so quickly and all I could think about was all of these negative things and how bad I felt. It was pretty awful. I hated my body and felt I had nothing going for me anymore.
But then you know what?
Time just kept ticking by. It’s not that I still don’t occasionally look down at my body and don’t like what I see, I think it’s just that these days I hardly get a chance to look down. 2016 marks 10 years since I had my first surgery … my new normal. It’s now all I know and not even an issue anymore. I think what’s helped me is how calm my life has become. You know when there is just so much drama and negativity around you, you just feel like your drowning in it?
So here's my advice…
Kick the negativity to the curb. Get rid of those soul suckers in your life - you owe them nothing! You need only people that lift you up and make you feel like the absolute Goddess and God that you are!
You are all my champions and I am with you as you are now with me.