HEADS UP! This article contains adult language.
We hear this question over and over . . .
"What should I name my stoma? It was suggested to me that ostomates give it a name as a way of coping with the change. Granted, I’ve had an ileostomy for many years, but it still occasionally affects my self-esteem. Any ideas are greatly appreciated."
To help out, we've gathered together 28 hilarious and fitting nicknames that OC readers gave to their stoma. The names you guys come up with are hands down the BEST, and the reasons are even better. Scroll through the list and enjoy!
“Poopa for short. My doctors think I'm insane when I tell them about Poopa and how she misbehaves. The way it just starts flowing reminds me of a volcano, so I also thought of LavaLoo.” – Shelley
Shelley has a colostomy because of rheumatoid arthritis.
“When it gets loud and someone says to me, was that you? I say, Nope. That way I'm not lying.” – Tim
Tim had a temporary colostomy after emergency surgery for diverticulitis.
"I own the most expensive designer bag ever created!” – Cate
Cate has a permanent ileostomy because of Crohn's disease.
“I was going to name mine after a specific politician but didn't feel like getting into fights over it, so I just call it 'Politician'... because it's either full of crap or making a lot of noise and not producing a damn thing.” – Pete
Pete had a colon resection because of diverticulitis but became septic due to complications and now lives with a Hartmann’s colostomy.
“After the old TV commercials with Josephine the plumber. She took care of plumbing problems, and my Josephine takes care of mine!” – Midge
Midge has a urostomy because of bladder cancer.
“Flo for short… because the bitch never stops.” – Cheryl
Cheryl has an ileostomy and short bowel syndrome because of Crohn’s disease.
“When I found out my bladder had to be removed, it felt like I was living in a bad 1950s horror movie. In those days, Igor was always the lab assistant to a villain doctor trying to create life.” – Liz
Liz has a urostomy because of bladder cancer.
“Cos it's a bag and I’m a dad.” – Stuart
Stuart has a permanent colostomy because of bowel cancer.
“Shortened from ‘Pain In The Arse’ because it has always done the opposite of what it needs to do and misbehaves. I couldn't say the full name around my son, so I had to abbreviate it 😜.” – Zoi
Zoi has an ileostomy because of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Gastroparesis.
My stoma nurse kept referring to ostomy appliances. Appliances made me think of a blender, and the only good use of a blender is for margaritas.” – Sherri
Sherri had a bowel resection and temporary ileostomy because of Crohn’s disease.
“Corn blocks me up, but I'm a redneck and keep eating it.” – Amanda
Amanda has a colostomy due to loss of bowel function from brain damage she suffered in a car accident.
12. Little Gremlin
“Because I never know when it will be mischievous.” – Brenda
Brenda had a J-pouch since 1985 because of ulcerative colitis but during her gallbladder surgery in 2014, hernia mesh complications led to a permanent ileostomy.
13. Thelma and Louise
"I had two ostomies!! And they were both always on the run. I bid farewell to Thelma, but Louise is my lifelong girl." – Brandi
Brandi was diagnosed with stage 3b colon cancer. Her ileostomy was reversed and now she lives with only a colostomy.
“If you’re a newbie, you will soon find out why ... HAHAHA.” – Avis
Avis has a colostomy because of a perforated bowel that caused sepsis.
I call mine Tuna because my stoma looked like a piece of tuna sashimi when he was all swollen from surgery. – Matt
Matt had ileostomy surgery in February 2018 because of ulcerative colitis.
“I went with Frank. That way, when Frank acts up, I yell FRANCIS!” – Eric
Eric has an ileostomy because of Crohn’s disease.
17. The Shitter
“I just call mine The Shitter. It gives me and my husband a good laugh when I tell him The Shitter’s full.” – Michelle
18. Heidi Hole
“I had a contest at work for people to pick names before I got my permanent ileostomy. I gave out a prize for the name that I chose, lol, we had fun with it.” – Tammy
“My WOC Nurse first asked me, but I never thought of a name until my mom saw me months later. She was wondering if that was my bag ballooning under my shirt. I said yes, she poofs up with gas and thus her name is Poofy.” – Michele
Michele was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer at 37 and had emergency ileostomy surgery when her colon perforated after a liver resection procedure.
20. Doc Brown
“I decided to name mine Doc Brown. ‘Back to the Future’ is my fave movie and well Doc is unpredictable and crazy and silly, and output is brown, lol.” – Tammy
“Mine is Helen because she won't stop erupting.” – Sharon
Sharon had emergency ileostomy surgery in October 2018 because of a perforated bowel and sepsis.
22. Moaning Myrtle
“I named mine Moaning Myrtle because it was something to help my young kids (18 months, 3, and 6) make it seem more normal to talk about. Harry Potter family here, lol." – Whitney
Whitney had ileostomy surgery in 2018 due to complications while giving birth.
“My stoma is a temperamental redhead. I had previously named my tumors Fred and Ethel.” – Tammy
Tammy has a colostomy because of recurring anal cancer.
“It took me several months to name mine but was told it’s a positive step toward acceptance. So after much deliberation, mine is called Stig after a much-loved British children’s classic book 'Stig of the Dump' by Clive King.” – Sue
Sue has a loop transverse colostomy because of diverticulitis.
“My son named his ostomy. Jim was not cooperative this morning when I was changing out the flange. Yelling at Jim helps my son not to take it personally if I get frustrated with stoma output during pouch changes 😉.” – Tamara
26. Big Bertha
“Named my first one Betty Boop — so cute and little. Then I had a surprise revision and the new one is big and long, so it needed to be renamed to Big Bertha.” – Nancy
27. Stanley and Stacey
“My one stoma was Stanley and I name my second stoma Stacey because they were completely different personalities! Stanley was very easy going and cooperative, while Stacey was a loop with more issues, difficult, and stubborn. I had j-pouch surgery, thus the reason for two different stoma sites. It definitely helped to refer them by name when talking with family!” – Valerie
28. Fecal Frankie
“I’m a double ostomate. Haven’t come up with the urostomy name yet. I like Pissy Missy but I know a Missy, so that won’t work. HA!” – Margaret
Thanks for the laughter and smiles, everyone. This was so much fun!