You’ll be the first to admit it wasn’t love at first sight. After all, who finds out they need an ostomy and hears the saxophones from ‘Careless Whisper’? (Answer: no one.)
But surgery happened, and you’ve soldiered through recovery, and now the relationship with your ostomy has changed. Actually, you love it.
Actually… you may have a bit of a problem.
Here are six signs you love your ostomy way too much.
1. Your stoma has a name. You talk to it. It's literally your friend.
"What do you think, Minerva? Should we add bananas to this smoothie?"
"I'm feeling grumpy today. Don't worry Baghdad, it's not you."
"Who's a good stoma? Stan’s a good stoma. Who's a good stoma?”
“Hey, Rosie. I’m on a date, use your inside voice.”
Conversations with your ostomy… out loud… in public. You dare anyone to judge.
2. Your ostomy is permanent and you decide to get a permanent tattoo of your stoma’s name.
Other people get their kids' names inked. You got your stoma’s name inked.
What? It gave you your life back and you’re damn proud of it.
3. You buy it presents.
Your ostomy has its bad days, as we all do, and when they happen you don’t hold back with the pampering.
Now your significant other is jealous of your ostomy because it definitely gets more gifts.
Your partner has also... gently suggested... you put an upper limit on your stoma spending.
It's not your fault all this new bling keeps coming out. Pouch covers, undergarments, wraps, accessories, and more. Are you actually expected to resist this stuff?!
4. You show off your ostomy online.
You’ve gone public. In fact, somewhere along the way, you started posting selfies starring your ostomy on social media.
Using your preferred ostomy-related hashtags.
A few times a month.
Okay, a week.
5. You celebrate your stoma’s birthday.
With more gifts and accessories, obviously.
6. You say a quiet “thank you” to your ostomy every time you do something you couldn’t do before.
Having an ostomy means not being able to do some things. Your bathroom experience, for example, is somewhat untraditional.
But it has empowered you to do so many more things. You’re not sick anymore, and that means you have the strength and energy to be the person you want to be.
Every time you ride a bike, sit through a movie, try that weird artisanal desert at the café down the street… you say a little “thank you” to the ostomy that rebuilt your health.